Here’s the scientific reason why rich men perform better in bed than the rest of us…

Size does matter.

This according to a study done by evolutionary biologists Dr. David Nettle and Dr. Thomas V. Pollet which connects the size of a man’s, err, wallet with his ability to please a woman.

Similar to this: She only wants you for your credit score.

Bad news for average men?  Perhaps, but it should come as no surprise. The success of books like Fifty Shades of Grey seems to give credence to the fact that wealthy men and steamy romance turn women on. The evidence, presented in Nettle and Pollet’s article titled “Partner wealth predicts self-reported orgasm frequency in a sample of Chinese women,” seems to offer scientific proof that women partnered by a wealthy man experience more sexual pleasure than if they’re partnered by someone poor.

“I find it true,” said Gina Pasquini, a northern California resident who has dated several rich men. “I enjoy being spoiled and courted.” Pasquini added, “My last relationship was with a very wealthy man. I absolutely loved it! It was very hot and passionate, and it burned out pretty quickly, but while it lasted I just loved the courtship.”

The survey sampled 60 villages and urban neighborhoods and a total of 1534 women. Those women ranged in age from between 20 and 64 and each were asked, “When having sex with your current partner, how often did you have an orgasm?”  Men – take note. The frequency of a female’s orgasm increased in direct relation to the amount of money in their wallet. In fact, women married to rich partners experienced double the amount of fun when compared to women with poorer mates.

We can hear men around the world, saying, “Ruh oh.” But men, take heart, the good doctors threw males a few bones. The study wasn’t able to separate women married to wealthy men who might just be more intrinsically orgasmic than their poorer brethren. The women studied might also be exaggerating the size of their man’s, um, fortune, and the number of times they experience the big “O.” Or, there could be an even simpler explanation, one pointed out by several of the women we surveyed.

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“If you have money, you have more time for things and less worries,” said Maghan Hunt, a romantic scriptwriter. “You can enjoy things more. Whereas if you’re poor, the worries can get in the way of sexual satisfaction or you aren’t having sex very often because you are working several jobs.”

Alas, the good doctors are known for studying masculine prowess. In a previous study of British males, they compared wealthy men with their number of offspring – what the scientific types like to call “natural selection” – confirming previous studies that seem to indicate the more money a man has, the more children he’ll produce.

Of course, there are some women who call total bollocks to it all.

“I think true love is the main ingredient in lovemaking,” said business owner Stephenie Gregory who has two children with her long-time partner. “You take [love] with you all day long, even when apart. My husband will call me just to say hello… That is real romance.”

So while the scientific evidence might prove otherwise, women all over the world are divided, and perhaps maybe a little insulted.

“It takes being open, honest and adventurous, not cash to be good in the sack!” said north state resident Dusty Steele. “Just sayin!”

We’d like to think that’s true.

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  • Us ladies are trained from a young age to, well, go after the money. Disney had quite a few Prince Charmings come in with their flash and grandeur, and sweep the girls off their feet. And it goes on into tween chick flicks (Cinderella Story), and romcoms (Pretty Woman) and smut books (Fifty Shades). A lot of this study, IMO, is just perception and conditioning. If the man doesn’t please you in bed, then, well, the money will :P.

  • Audrey Henderson

    I think the takeaway from this article is that yeah, it’s better to have enough money and maybe extra money than to always have to worry about money. Duh. But I think it’s more about a man being willing to be generous and make romantic/chivalrous gestures than about money itself.

    For instance, one thing that totally made me melt was a couple of years ago when I was going to a party on a Friday night and I agreed to meet a male friend who was also going to the ‘do to ride down on the L together. Little did I know that he had gotten up at dark-thirty that day to drive his car in from his way-out suburb to the end of the L line, gotten back on the train and gone to work that day. But he did that so that a) he could drive us both from the end of the L line to the actual location of the party (about a mile away) and b) drive ME back afterward to my place in totally the opposite direction from where he lived. Reason? He didn’t want me to have to ride the train back late at night by myself. *Melt, Melt*

    A broke a$$ man with no car could not have done what my friend did, so yeah, money does matter. But it’s more in the way the guy uses his cash than how fat his wallet is. I mean, no amount of money will ever make somebody like Donald Trump sexy to me, sorry. 😛

  • mironlulic

    Perhaps the wealthier guys work harder outside the bed and inside it too?

    • Doge Wallace

      So blue collar workers are the best?

      • Joseph Bloe

        Blue collar workers do a bunch of work for little return. Rich guys are about results.